Work / Family Balance

With everything I've been mulling over regarding leaving PubCo and opening a bakery, it's not surprising that my manager has noticed that my "energy level seems low" at work. I know I've been preoccupied, and when I'm up and walking around, I'm sure it's apparent that my mind is somewhere else. That somewhere else is thinking up recipes and wondering how much freezer cases cost and thinking about how many employees I'd need to hire right off the bat.

At our one-on-one meeting yesterday, she asked me how I've been feeling about the job recently and I was relatively honest with her. I told her that the current workload was fine but that I was thinking about the future, knowing I'm not willing to put in the time commitment that seemed required at PubCo. Especially after Mountain Man and I have kids. Some of the other editors have kids and seem to do an okay job of being there for them, even as they work 60 or 70 hours a week and may struggle to do anything else when they're not at work. I know the job requires a lot of travel and, in most cases, a lot of working evenings and weekends - time that I think should be spent with kids or just in general, living a proper life. I know that I could not work that much and then still feel like I was doing a great job with my family life - and more and more I'm thinking that if you can't do a great (or at least, a really good) job with your family life, why have a family?

She replied that she valued my honesty and was very respectful of this decision (as much of a decision as it currently is). She also suggested that I was perhaps jumping the gun a bit, since my current job doesn't yet require the travel and time investment that is required for other editors. Which is perfectly reasonable for her to say - I do generally plan EXTREMELY far in advance (and no, there won't be any miniature Mountain Men running around the house anytime soon), and my current job is really pretty different from the other editors' as it currently stands. All valid comments - my manager is great in that she generally calls it like it is, and I do respect this feedback.

But the issue goes further than that, and this is the part we really only touched on. She suggested that I need to think about whether there is enough in this job or this industry that I find meaning in. That is, when things are tough and crazy and I'm spending time away from family and life, is there enough that is satisfying or fulfilling to keep me going? I didn't respond very honestly to this, because right now, the answer is no, I don't think there is.

I don't have any pie-in-the-sky dreams that running a bakery is going to be easy. There will be long (and early) hours, there wll be the constant threat of not having enough customers to survive, and it will be a lot of hard work. But I'll be doing the things that I like - baking of course, but also managing a team, developing relationships with customers (the prospect of "regulars" sends a thrill through me), and running things the way I want to. Those are the aspects of my
current job that I do love.

Add to that the fact that any bakery I run would be close enough to home so that any kids of ours could be there after school to do homework or whatever, and that I'd be close enough to home to just be there for them and for Mountain Man - it seems more and more appealing.

I don't know, maybe I'm being naive about this. I don't have kids, and I'm not sure what things would be like if I continued working at PubCo. By leaving, I'd be giving up the financial freedom that comes with having two steady incomes, and that could be challenging for us. Our society seems to think that a family should have two steady incomes and run at a crazy speed. I'm just not sure it's worth it if you don't do something that is meaningful and fulfilling to you.

And yes, I know that not everyone has the luxury of doing something that is meaningful and fulfilling. Some of us just need to be able to support ourselves or our families. But if you had the opportunity, would you make a change? What would you do?


P.S. An hour and a half at the DMV on official name-changing business really gets a girl thinking. And mobile-blogging.