Cake

And now, for something a little more light-hearted...

Photo: Courtesy of Ashley Conlon

This is the cake a friend and I gave to another friend for her birthday. Made by Amber, the fabulous baker at Enjoy Cupcakes (see her blog at left).

This was an Irish Car Bomb cake: chocolate Guinness cake, filled with Bailey's cream, topped with Bailey's frosting. Amazingly rich and delicious. And when we picked it up, Amber's husband told us to pour Jameson Irish Whiskey on top. We didn't, but it's something to look forward to in the future.

Work / Family Balance

With everything I've been mulling over regarding leaving PubCo and opening a bakery, it's not surprising that my manager has noticed that my "energy level seems low" at work. I know I've been preoccupied, and when I'm up and walking around, I'm sure it's apparent that my mind is somewhere else. That somewhere else is thinking up recipes and wondering how much freezer cases cost and thinking about how many employees I'd need to hire right off the bat.

At our one-on-one meeting yesterday, she asked me how I've been feeling about the job recently and I was relatively honest with her. I told her that the current workload was fine but that I was thinking about the future, knowing I'm not willing to put in the time commitment that seemed required at PubCo. Especially after Mountain Man and I have kids. Some of the other editors have kids and seem to do an okay job of being there for them, even as they work 60 or 70 hours a week and may struggle to do anything else when they're not at work. I know the job requires a lot of travel and, in most cases, a lot of working evenings and weekends - time that I think should be spent with kids or just in general, living a proper life. I know that I could not work that much and then still feel like I was doing a great job with my family life - and more and more I'm thinking that if you can't do a great (or at least, a really good) job with your family life, why have a family?

She replied that she valued my honesty and was very respectful of this decision (as much of a decision as it currently is). She also suggested that I was perhaps jumping the gun a bit, since my current job doesn't yet require the travel and time investment that is required for other editors. Which is perfectly reasonable for her to say - I do generally plan EXTREMELY far in advance (and no, there won't be any miniature Mountain Men running around the house anytime soon), and my current job is really pretty different from the other editors' as it currently stands. All valid comments - my manager is great in that she generally calls it like it is, and I do respect this feedback.

But the issue goes further than that, and this is the part we really only touched on. She suggested that I need to think about whether there is enough in this job or this industry that I find meaning in. That is, when things are tough and crazy and I'm spending time away from family and life, is there enough that is satisfying or fulfilling to keep me going? I didn't respond very honestly to this, because right now, the answer is no, I don't think there is.

I don't have any pie-in-the-sky dreams that running a bakery is going to be easy. There will be long (and early) hours, there wll be the constant threat of not having enough customers to survive, and it will be a lot of hard work. But I'll be doing the things that I like - baking of course, but also managing a team, developing relationships with customers (the prospect of "regulars" sends a thrill through me), and running things the way I want to. Those are the aspects of my
current job that I do love.

Add to that the fact that any bakery I run would be close enough to home so that any kids of ours could be there after school to do homework or whatever, and that I'd be close enough to home to just be there for them and for Mountain Man - it seems more and more appealing.

I don't know, maybe I'm being naive about this. I don't have kids, and I'm not sure what things would be like if I continued working at PubCo. By leaving, I'd be giving up the financial freedom that comes with having two steady incomes, and that could be challenging for us. Our society seems to think that a family should have two steady incomes and run at a crazy speed. I'm just not sure it's worth it if you don't do something that is meaningful and fulfilling to you.

And yes, I know that not everyone has the luxury of doing something that is meaningful and fulfilling. Some of us just need to be able to support ourselves or our families. But if you had the opportunity, would you make a change? What would you do?


P.S. An hour and a half at the DMV on official name-changing business really gets a girl thinking. And mobile-blogging.

Puff Pastry

This weekend, the question "Which came first - the empanada or the pasty?" popped into my head, as I've been thinking about puff pastry and how it's my new favorite thing.

It seems that one of the earliest mentions of a pasty was found in a 13th century charter granted by Henry III to the town of Great Yarmouth. It said, "The town is bound to send to the sheriffs of Norwich every year one hundred herrings, baked in twenty four pasties, which the sheriffs are to deliver to the lord of the manor of East Carlton who is then to convey them to the King".

The word "empanada" comes from the Spanish word "empanar", meaning to wrap or coat in bread. It's thought that empanadas developed in Spain or the Middle East (depending on who's telling the story), but the general consensus is that they were carried around the world by travelers. I'd need to dig a little deeper to find out who first traveled where (or who first invaded who) to make guesses on how such similar foods developed in such different areas of the world.

The great thing is that most cultures have some kind of filling-wrapped-in-dough dish, including kibbe from Lebanon (one of my favorite dishes), samosas from India and Pakistan, and calzones from Italy. You could also, perhaps, claim that Pop Tarts are the equivalent in the States. Which may be very mean and culturally insensitive (of my own culture) of me.

Pop Tarts are what I thought of when I made these yesterday and ate one for breakfast this morning. I stuffed puff pastry with a mixture of blackberry and apricots, mixed with lemon zest and brown sugar and baked them until they started to puff. Mountain Man and I tried to eat them with forks yesterday - but they were calling out to be eaten by hand.

I wrapped the leftovers in foil, and Mountain Man and I ate more for breakfast this morning. I noted that they reminded me of Pop Tarts, and MM replied "Yes, but with all organic material!"

Delicious. You're not getting a recipe just yet since I do think they'd benefit from the addition of a crunchy something - I'm leaning towards chopped walnuts. A project for this weekend, I think...

Something New

Let me give you a little bit of history. I’m 29, just married to a great man (I’ll call him Mountain Man to protect his identity), have family nearby (and like it) and a ton of wonderful friends all over the world. If you ask anyone, they’ll tell you that I have always loved to read and when I decided to become an English major (after going from archaeology to medicine to music to business in my mind), there was a resounding “DUH” heard round the world. It made sense.

As soon as she heard it, my mom, who comes from a long line of worriers, started flipping through the classifieds, trying to find a job that would be appropriate for someone who majored in something as cloudy as English. What does one DO with an English degree? Success came one day when she found a publishing company located near the family home, and she tore out the ad and passed it along to me, who filed it away since I had three more years of college to get through. Upon graduating, I applied at the publishing company (we’ll call it “PubCo” to protect its identity) and got a job.

I’ve been with PubCo for seven years, have been promoted four times, and am now one of the acquisitions editors for their book division. And I’ve realized that I just don’t want to do it anymore.

I’m not going to say anything negative about PubCo, because this isn’t the place for that. I’m really not going to complain about my job at all either, because that’s not what I need and what I’m writing this for. All I will say is that I’m tired of working for someone else at something I’m pretty sure I don’t love. And as I told a friend of mine who was playing Devil’s advocate - why should I be doing something for 40 or 50 or 60 hours a week if I don’t love it?

I’ve started this blog to figure out how to take that next step. I pretty much know what I want to do - I want to cook and bake all day. I have grand plans for a small bakery that specializes in Lebanese finger food and rich desserts. Sort of a traditional French bakery (that serves bread, quiche, and sandwiches alongside fruit tarts, eclairs, and meringues), but with a twist.

The issue is really how to do it. So I’ve bought books and have started combing other blogs (some of which you’ll see on this site) and begun working on putting a plan together. This space will be to get feedback from friends, family, and maybe, people who have done this before and have advice.

So keep an eye out, feel free to ask questions or comment or (constructively) criticize. Don’t say anything mean or I’ll kick you out.